worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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