I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
