this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
