Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
