I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
