You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
