I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
