i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
