Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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