Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
