You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
