i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
