i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
