Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We are two peas in an std pod
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
