made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
