SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
