we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
