And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
