it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
