is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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