This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
