Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
