Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
