she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
