every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
