did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
