My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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