Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
