im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
