your parents love me but you hate me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
