Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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