Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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