I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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