So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
