It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
