I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
