You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
