butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
