If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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