im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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