She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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