What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
