I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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