walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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