first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
