and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
