its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
