Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
