I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
