you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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