East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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