I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
