Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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