He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
