It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't make any sense
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